The Scars

0I never expected that I would be in the hospital, the place I wished I had never been to after the last time I was hospitalized. However, the destiny lugged me here tonight. My heart shattered to see my mother lying on the bed unconsciously. It was me the one who was responsible for her collapse. It was my fault. If only I could turn back the time and annulled what I had said, she would not be here. Yet, I could not change the reality.    0

    

My mother Inhaled and exhaled in her deep sleep. Her old face portrayed her misery. People could clearly perceive how hard she had worked through her wizened hands. Her full-of-stitches colorless gown delineated her poverty. I averted my gaze, trying to hold back the tears that had welled up in my eyes. In a second, these tears might explode out and flooded my cheek. I looked away when a nurse came to check the IV plugged on my mother's hand.    

    

Thankfully, that nurse didn't notice me crying because she just walked to another patient as soon as she ensured that my mother was in stable condition. I touched my mother's wrinkled hand and kissed it. The words sorry slipped out of my lips. She would not catch what I just confessed. I hoped she could feel it. I hoped the telepathy worked to connect me to her even though it was through her dreams. I had a lot of words to convey. She had to know how much I loved her. How desperately I wanted to make all her dreams come true to see me succeed. But, being bullied at school was truly stifling.    

    

"I am sorry Mom. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've tried to bear up but it is all too hard for me. They bullied me cruelly. Mom, I promise you to do whatever you want but getting back to that place." I could not help but letting the tears stream down. Desperation had controlled me.    

    

"Ilana..." The gentle voice jolted me. I brushed my tears away and looked at the one who said my name.    

    

"Doctor...." It was Reno's uncle. He smiled sincerely at me.    

    

"It's ok. Your mother is fine. She is just shocked. I don't have any idea what happened but you have to ascertain not to make her stressed." I just gave him a nod. "Don’t cry," he said finally before he left me. My red eyes were enough to describe that I had wailed for a long time.    

    

The temperature got colder. It was below zero degrees Celsius. Wrapping my body with my hands, I was attempting to warm myself. For my mother's sake, I had to endure to be in this freezing room.    

    

Family of the patients was not allowed to accompany the patients in the emergency room. Nevertheless, I pleaded to stay in this room because I did not have a place to stay tonight. They let me in.    

    

My mother was on the mode of sleeping. None of her body parts moved. Gazing at her face induced more pains in my heart and soul. So, I chose to rest my head on the bed. Cuddling myself, I managed to sleep.    

    

The crowd still filled the room when I had opened my eyes. I peeped through the curtain wall that caged me to note the time. It had been 6 a.m. It meant I had about three hours of sleep. At least, it sufficed to get me recovered from my weariness.    

    

I lifted my head and happily saw my mother had opened her eyes as if just waking up. Strangely, she did not respond to my greeting. She just muted her mouth.    

    

“Mom…." I was trying to talk to her softly. "Mom," I repeated. Instead of answering, she avoided my gaze. "Mom… please, say something." I got panic because I was afraid that something bad affected her brain. I called a nurse. She came up with the medical appliances in the trolley. "Please check my mom out.” That nurse in veil checked my mother's pulse.    

    

"I have been well. I want to get out of here." My mother finally said something and it made me feel relieved.    

    

"The doctor will tell you when you are allowed to check out of the hospital, Ma'am." That nice nurse informed her.    

    

“Where is the doctor? I have to see him."    

    

"He will be coming in few hours."    

    

"But, I no longer want to stay here!" My mother roared. Her action turned all eyes in the room to her.    

    

“Alright, Ma'am, Please calm down. He will be here soon.” That nurse looked worried and scared. She rushed to the nurse station.    

    

"Where are you going?    

    

"Mom...please? " I pleaded.    

    

The nurse came back after few hours with a doctor. However, it was not Reno’s uncle. That very young and cute doctor checked on my mother and informed her that she could check out today. My mother's condition was not that serious. She was just stressed mentally. She will get better in few days. I could breathe out of relief.    

    

My mother kept her mouth shut on our way home. It was obvious she still held back her anger. The public transportation stopped in the mouth of the alley toward our house. My mother got off from the public transportation without looking at me. She walked off after paying for the fare.    

    

With my speed, I could finally walk beside her. She was still silent. As the one who had been used to work hard, she did not have problem to walk faster every time I managed to walk by her side. It was clear that she avoided me.    

    

A girl welcomed us in front of our small house when we arrived. She was Vera. I bet Reno gave her my address. She bowed and kissed my mother's hand as a form of respect from a young people toward the older ones. It was a bit weird that my mother treated Vera differently from what she did to Reno. She was too frigid toward her. I could catch that from her expression. I speculated whether it was our cold war that stimulated her to do so.    

    

"I need to talk to you. It is about you...," she took a breath before she continued, "and Reno. There is something you should know, something that may change your mind." Vera's words ceased my mother’s footsteps to get into the house.