The Scars

Knowing the fact that Ilana had a fiancé was like a grenade being thrown at me. It exploded out and burnt me down. It was as if I had no other opportunity to survive. I had waited for this moment so long yet I never expected that it turned out to be a disaster to bump into her today. It did not matter that time had altered her life a lot including the way she dressed. But, that she easily forgot me saddened me. Had she ever thought of me even once? It seemed I was the only one who hoped that we could be together. Since the beginning, I had probably never been in her heart.    

She had walked away side by side with the man she was engaged to. I took a step nowhere. My body numbed like a statue. My eyes were still on her even when she and that man had disappeared. Only a call from Vera jerked me back to reality.    

"I heard you have been back to Jakarta. Why didn't you contact me?"" She protested from another line.    

"Sorry. Well, I planned to do it yet there was a business I had to take care of, I didn't have time to text you."    

"I understand. Your uncle called me this morning that you have been in Jakarta since yesterday. Can we meet up? My husband and I are going to celebrate our second wedding anniversary tomorrow night."    

"Are you married?"    

"Yes, it has been two years. Sorry for not telling you about this earlier. Can you come?"    

"I will. Just send me your address." I was walking down the stairs to get to the parking lot where my uncle's car was. He lent me his car as I needed to buy some groceries and toiletries. Clicking the car's key, the alarm of the car noosed, the door opened and I slid into the car.    

"I'll send you the address of the restaurant where we are going to do the celebration. See you there."    

"See you. I met Ilana today," my voice created silence. "Are you still there?"    

"Yeah! That's good. Isn't that what you want? You must have missed her a lot. She was the first one you asked me about when the first time I called you like ten days ago." I shrugged and let out of a sigh. "Why? Is there something wrong? Did she not recognize you?"    

"No, everything is fine." I still did not ignite the car's key. It was not good to have a call while driving.    

"Have you heard about the school reunion?"    

"The school reunion?" I repeated just to make sure that what I caught was right. I meant it was like a coincidence.    

"Yes, all the alumni are cordially invited through social media. Don't you notice that?"    

"I never use social media after leaving Indonesia. When will the event be held, by the way?"    

"I see. It will be Next week. Well, I think you should come to that event. Who knows you can meet Ilana there. She may come."    

"What about you? Are you going?"    

"I can't. I need to go to Surabaya." A voice of a little girl was calling. "Sorry, my daughter is waiting. See you tomorrow." A text popped up on my mobile phone. It was a message from Vera sending the address of the restaurant.    

I started the car engine and the car carried me exploring the city of Jakarta which I had yearned so much. I took a farther route so that I could pass around the fountain of HI (Hotel of Indonesia) roundabouts, one of Jakarta's icons, and witnessed the tourists taking pictures near the fountain in various poses. At least the intriguing scenery of the water springing up with big green trees in front of the huge towering buildings along M.H Thamrin Street refreshed my mind. Getting enough of traveling around, I drove back to my apartment.    

I organized the groceries and toiletries I bought in their place as soon as I reached home. Then, I just relaxed on the sofa while listening to Shawn Mendes's amazing voice. Stitches were one of my favorite songs. The song could not swipe Ilana away from my thought; the tone pictured her face instead with a scarf covering her head.    

I unplugged the headset off my ears then switched on my laptop to set a schedule for a month ahead. I was doing this not only to make all my activities well-organized but also distracting my mind from thinking about Ilana. Tomorrow, I would visit my publishing company, and then went to the restaurant where Vera was going to celebrate her wedding anniversary in the evening. All was fixed.    

What about the reunion? I had an urge to come to that event. Would Ilana come with her fiancé? I hoped she came alone. Then, what? She would not be mine, though. I shut my laptop down and decided to rest. I had made up my mind that I would attend that school reunion.    

The day switched to night and switched back to the day so fast. The publishing company I had established was not too far from where I lived. My office was small yet comfortable. The company was not that big too. I just started my business in this field. So, there were many things I needed to learn from the basics. I checked the production department then the editorial. They had worked very hard. They sent the monthly report to my room. I secretly browsed the file to find out whether or not Ilana was one of the writers publishing her work with us. Her name was not listed among other writers. I felt so disappointed.    

It was late afternoon I got back home from the visit. I promised Vera to come to the restaurant before 7. So, I rapidly got freshened and drove off after I was ready. I wore a Batik t-shirt and dark pants this time because I thought that the event was going to be a bit formal. When I got to the restaurant, I saw Vera only with a cute around five-year-old little girl with her. I was wondering where her husband was. He might be late due to the traffic jam.    

Vera did not look too much different from what she used to be ten years ago. She was just mature with the dark long dress she was wearing and make-up she put on and her dark hairstyle. She kept her short hair.    

"Hi, have a seat. How are you?" She welcomed me warmly.    

"Hi, I'm good, thanks. Is this your daughter? How cute she is!" I complimented the kid. However, it was a little bit weird that she had this girl while she just married her husband two years ago.    

"You must be wondering why I had a five-year-old girl." She could read what I was thinking of. "She is my stepdaughter." It surprised me. "My husband has been a widower when I married him."    

"Where is your husband?"    

"He is not coming."    

"What do you mean? This is your wedding anniversary, right?"    

"He got a call from his boss that there is a business he had to take care of. I'm sorry. I should have informed you this."    

"That's ok."    

The dinner lasted one hour. I directly went home as Vera drove home with her car. She gave the address of the school reunion's venue before we parted.    

I just did my routine the following days, going to my office, working, checking the report, and having a meeting until the day of the reunion. I kept staring at the clock in my office that still stuck at 5 p.m. The event would begin at 7 tonight. I planned to get the venue from my office.    

All the employees went home one by one. Only when the time struck at 6 p.m., I left my office. The people in which most of them were my school alumni had clustered around the place where it was an opening area, the building was only protected by the roof without the wall, the flowers and other plants grew surrounding the area. In the crowd, I saw a woman walking in elegantly with her simple light green dress and yellow scarf. My heart beat faster. On other people's eyes, she might be just ordinary woman yet for me she was someone that I had been dreaming of. She was sneaking in to the throng as though exploring all her surrounding, searching for something or someone. Could it be me she was looking for?