The Scars

I felt blue. Looking at the tears running down her face, my heart shattered into pieces. Ilana was still in her kneeling position. I had a strong urge to give her comfort by reaching out her shoulder and drawing her into my arm when she mentioned my name hoarsely. I didn’t do it. Our eyes met for a few minutes before she got up and scampered. I had to struggle to run after her. Yet, it was too late. That girl had slid into the cab when I was a few meters from her.    

I was clueless about what her problem was, my conscience instructed me to follow her to make sure that she was alright and safe. No matter whether she avoided me or she liked another man, I always cared for her. In a minute, I had been in my car, starting the engine and sweeping the road of Jakarta. My car was trapped in a traffic jam. I could breathe out of relief that the cab carrying Ilana was not too far from my car. Not even a second, my eyes switched off from the cab.    

The car before mine started moving ahead. It gave me access to go forward. Ilana's cab ran slowly among other vehicles. After almost one hour of being trapped in a traffic jam, my car finally could go after the cab where Ilana was inside it. The direction brought me out of the city center. What shocked me was that the cab brought Ilana to a mental hospital. Who had a mental problem?    

Ilana got out of the car and rushed to the lobby. Sliding out of my car, I secretly stalked her talking to a receptionist. She said one name that I hardly caught. Then, the woman in a bun hair searched for the name on the computer. Ilana proceeded to the directions described by that woman directly after getting enough information.    

I kept following behind her, about ten meters away. She turned right into the corridor. From the way she walked down the aisle, she looked in panic. The one she was heading to might be the most important person in her life. Could it be her mother? That was impossible. Her mother was such a tough woman.    

"Mom...." Ilana barged into the room. I wore a jacket on purpose just after I climbed out of my car. Putting my hoodie on, I pretended to pass the room where Ilana entered. I learned at the ajar door. I could peek clearly that the woman Ilana hugged tightly was a woman I recognized. She was Ilana's mother. It left me in shock. Why does Ilana have to be through this heartbreaking thing? Why was she? Her life had been suck. I rested my back on the wall out of the room.    

"Who are you?" That woman asked and that made Ilana cry out. My fingers dug into my hands, trying to bear all the pains Ilana was having now. If only I could approach and solace her. I wanted to hug her and let her throw all their sorrow at me. However, she had a fiancé. That distanced us like there was a towering wall that we could not pass through.    

"Mom, this is your daughter, Ilana. Mom, please...this is me," her voice sounded more like hopelessness than hope. I subdued where I stood.    

"Are you okay, Sir?" I looked up and a man, around forty, looked down at me. His questioning eyes gazed at me in worry.    

"I'm fine."    

"Why are sitting here, then?"    

"I just...." I noticed a nurse getting into Ilana's mother's room. I hurriedly went away.    

"Where are you going?" That man was still questioning me.    

I ran toward my car without looking back. I was just worried that Ilana might see me here, stalking her. I would be in trouble. She would think that I was a bad person. Her judgment toward me mattered as I still prayed that one day she realized I had much love for her. Driving gradually, I arrived at home almost midnight.    

I went to the hospital where Ilana's mother was being hospitalized the following day. I even left my apartment early in the morning and just ignored the call from one of the office staff. After texting him that I would not come to the office today, I took a leave to the hospital. Passing and struggling through a busted road, I reached the gate of the hospital in less than one hour. This place was too distant from my apartment so I had to wake up early to get to this place early.    

Like yesterday, I resembled inside my jacket and sunglasses. I changed my hairstyle a bit messy and covered my forehead with it. My fists sunk into my pants pocket. Walking mindfully down the corridor, I directly rushed to Ilana's mother's ward. I jolted back to see Ilana sitting on a bench before the ward next to her mother. She was patiently feeding the woman she loved so much. I turned back and walked away. I stood in my hoodie and peeped Ilana and her mother through one of the pillars. At least, I did not witness Ilana's tears this morning. That was enough to make my heart relieved.    

"I am full. I want a drink." Ilana handed her a glass of water. Ilana's mother gulped it quickly.    

"Just do it slowly." Ilana helped her mother hold the glass.    

"Ilana....," she murmured.    

"Mom...you remember me? Mom...." Ilana hugged her mother.    

"Of course I do. Why does it take so long for you to come to me?"    

"I'm sorry, Mom." Ilana cuddled her mother tighter yet it did not last long. Ilana's mother pushed Ilana's body away.    

"Who are you? Nurse....nurse...." She shouted out to the nurse who was passing by. "Help me! This girl is going to kidnap me."    

"Mom this is me, Ilana." Ilana was trying to reach her mother. That woman evaded her.    

"I don't know you! Go! Go away!" She screamed and it attracted other patients' attention. They started approaching. Some were laughing and running around Ilana. Others were pulling Ilana's scarf. Thankfully, a nurse-managed to save Ilana from the patients. And I hopelessly just watched Ilana getting hurt. I was the most useless man in the world who could not protect the woman he loved. After securing Ilana and her mother, that nurse and her colleagues persuaded the other patients to go back to their ward. Some were willingly following their instruction but the rest were still swarming near Ilana's mother's room.    

Ensuring that Ilana was safe, I walked to find the canteen because I had not had my breakfast yet. Scurrying through the aisle, I saw a place where people gathered to eat. I quickened my pace to get there.    

I just ordered fried noodles as there were not many food options here. They only provided fried noodles and fried rice. I checked on my watch, the time stopped at ten. I hurried out after paying the bills. Opening the glass door, someone muttered my name. My feet were glued in their place. The situation muted my mouth.    

"Why are you here?" Ilana stared at me intently.