The Scars

For me, marriage was sacred. It had to be built over honesty. But, Alice's confession about her relationship with Reno stained the love which started growing in my heart. Reno did not try to deny her words, after all. They could have done that, it might be a common thing yet I could not accept that.    

I was in dilemma. My mother liked Reno so much without knowing anything about him. For her, he was a perfect man without flaws. I admitted that he was a nice guy, visiting my mother almost every day during her stay in that mental hospital. Never did he feel reluctant nor shame to have a parent in law with a history of a mental disorder. On top of that, he was the only man who accepted the way I was. I was the one he ran to no matter how far he had traveled. I still remember the first time we met after ten years. He excitedly greeted me. How he proposed to me in front of my mother a few weeks ago still lingered in my mind.    

However, today, he took that woman with him, the woman he did not deny as his ex-girlfriend. He did not even defy the fact that they had slept together. If only he had told me earlier. It was not good to regret it now.    

"Ilana...please! Let me explain everything." He had been walking beside me. "I'm sorry for my dark past. I know I have made mistake. Someone put the sleeping pill into my drink. And...."    

"Stop it! I am so exhausted. I need a rest."    

"I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But, can you give me a second chance?" he mumbled when I was walking away. I could catch what he was saying.    

Reno's words echoed in my head even after I was at home. Talking about the past, I had more dark sides than he did. Nonetheless, every time Alice's face popped up in my mind, it induced hesitation in my heart. I was too afraid that Reno's romance with that woman would always hunt us down even after we got married. I used to talk to Vera and share with her the issue I was facing. She usually suggested a good solution to my problem. It was not a bad idea to tell her about this matter.    

I got out of bed and grabbed my mobile phone. In a second, Vera's voice happily saluted me from another line. Clearing my throat, I was about to speak but her question came out first    

"How's the preparation of your wedding?" My silence concerned her. "Is everything ok? Did you meet Reno today?"    

"Yeah, she came with Kevin and... his ex-girlfriend."    

"Kevin? Ex-girlfriend?"    

"Alice."    

"That American girl...."    

"It seems I am the only one here who just knew about Alice."    

"Well, it is my fault not to tell you about Alice. As far as I know, they broke up their relationship when they were in the US. Don't worry! It is only you, in Reno's heart."    

"Do you also know that they...have slept?"    

"I have no idea about that." She took a breath. "Ilana, everyone makes mistakes no matter how good or kind he or she is. Reno is no exception. If you truly love him, why can't you embrace all his weaknesses? He is not a Saint. Like you, he does something wrong. But, you are lucky to have someone like Reno who loves you sincerely and unconditionally. You have to learn from your mother. She married the wrong person. It is unnecessary to explain how bad her life has turned out. If you marry a right man, he will treat you like a queen. Contrarily, if you marry the wrong man, not only he will treat you like a slave, but he will also turn your life into hell.”    

I contemplated Vera's advice. All she said made sense. As human being, both Reno and I were not perfect. If my entire shortcoming did not matter to him, why couldn't I love his imperfection? I made up mind to talk to him tomorrow.    

Reno messaged me that he had been waiting in the restaurant where we agreed to catch up today. The restaurant was not that crowded. Only few visitors I could eye at the moment. This was not the same restaurant as it was we last met. I proceeded to the seat where Reno was sitting with her eyes staring at his mobile phone. That man just realized my coming when I came over.    

"Thank you for coming," he said with a broad smile on his lips. "How are you?" He acted awkwardly.    

"Great! How are you?" It was like we were strangers who just met for the first time.    

"Not bad. Sorry..."    

"Sorry...." We said almost together. "I should not have judged you."    

"I am sorry about what happened. I know it’s hard for you to accpet that I have done that indecent thing.”    

"Every one makes mistakes,” I just repeated what Vera said. He looed at me in disbelief. He might not expect that I would say that. “Your love and affection are bigger than any mistakes you made in the past. If you never see my bad sides as a flaw, then why can't I pardon your wrongdoing and accept you the way you are? Let bygone be bygone."    

"If my father were here, he would congratulate me on how lucky I am to have you as my fiancée."    

"That's slightly exaggerating."    

Then we normally discussed about the wedding, the invitation card and the venue. The wedding concept I wanted was the simple one. I did not like something fancy. As long as it was holly, I would be ecstatic.    

I also uttered that I would visit my uncle in Jakarta today. He offered to drive me to Jakarta. I did not refuse it, let alone it took for hours to get to my uncle's house. After everything was fixed, we left for Jakarta.    

My uncle had moved. It was not that hard to find his new house. The house was quiet when we arrived. It was bigger than the previous one he and his family had lived for years before moving here. The light green wall matched with the towering trees protecting the front yard from the sun.    

The security guard ambled toward our car. The car entered the gate when it was opened. My uncle was inside the house, that old man informed. Reno and I strode across the yard after parking the car. At first, I wavered to press the bell because I heard the frenzy from inside the house, more than two people were quarreling. A woman was crying. I ran into the house as soon as it was open. What I saw broke my heart. Uncle Ardi was standing with hands on his waist, yelling and cursing at the young woman who was sobbing behind the woman who was unmistakably my aunt.    

"Uncle...please don't! I yelled out when he almost hit Nina on her face. "I don't know what the problem is. But, I think we can talk about it and find the solution."    

"Let me teach her a lesson." Uncle Ardi almost landed a slap on that girl’s face. Fortunately, Reno held his hand.    

"Ilana is right. Violence won't solve the problem."    

"What do you expect to discuss about? She is pregnant!" Uncle Ardi's word shocked me. Nina was not married yet. "Who did it?" My uncle got wretch. His eyes turned red.    

"Nina, just tell your father who did it?" Her mother persuaded her softly.    

"Kevin." Reno and I shared a glance. It was something I never imagined. How could they get close?